Saturday, March 04, 2006

&*(@#^&*% House, I give win.

Seriously. You win. Whatever you want. New foundation, new floors--hell if you keep going I will give you a new set of owners. The question is....will you screw them over too? Derrick and I took the bathroom sink out tonight to pull up the rest of the subfloor. Guess what we found?? Not only is the shower leaking, but this must have been a problem for some time, because a huge peice of the original floor was gone, and replaced with hardwood. It also has wrecked the floor around the toilet. Fast foward. Derrick and I are putting the sink back in. We put it all together. We turn it on. It works!!! Whoooo hooo!! We look down. The stupind, @&#@!(& sink is leaking!!!!! We looked at eachother. Derick slowly reached around and turned the water off at the base of the sink and says "well, we can use the kitchen sink from now on". I didnt even fight back. Oh well. It needs to all be done anyway. At least we can afford (somewhat) to fix things like this now. At least it didnt happen two years ago, when we were still flat broke.

We had the "baby" talk last night. WE were talking about adding on, and what we forsee for room. We were talking about what room would become what, and if we needed the extra bedroom. A big part of me wants Riley to be an only baby. Not that I didnt enjoy soblings, I just cant imaging sharing the love and emotion I feel for her. I know that I can, dont get me wrong, but its a hard thing to think about. I think that Derrick and I are thinking alike, in the fact that if we deciede on having another, we want it to be soon. I would rather go through three years of diapers, instead of ten. I think that Derrick didnt want to say much at first, and I am hesitant to make any decisions right now, so we said we each would think about it, and talk more later.

I think that for me I want to just be pregnant again. I miss the belly. I miss the movement of that little life inside of you. I miss the clothes. The cravings. The awestruckness of realizing that you, and you alone, are sustaining a life. I remember the moment that I first saw Riley. Vividly. I remember Julie holding up my head, and holding down the curtian, and seeing that little head on my belly. It gives me chills to think about it. I remember Derricks first words to her..."you have a blue four wheeler at home". Things like that make me ready for another, but then again the next would quite possibly be our last. Can I handle an entire pregnancy knowing that? What happens ten years down the road, when I am feeling the baby urges? Its to much to think about.

Derrick and Riley are going to Tony and Cindy's tomorrow. Derrick is going to help wire the garage. I am going to stay at home, and relax. And clean. And clean. I am hoping to get a picture order placed, and scrapbook some of the ones that I have here. I really need to find page protectors for Rileys album, so I can put all my pages in it!! I am really looking foward to a mommy-free day tomorrow. Just me and the dog. Just like to olden days! I know that I will feel a little lost and lonely without her though!!

Well Its after midnight. I am off to bed, to read. Riley is in the big girl bed now (her crib, in her room) for the second night, and I can hardley sleep cause I keep checking on her. Its crazy, cause I have the moniter on, so I can here her clear as a bell, just like she was in the room with us. I guess its just strange to know that shes not......

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