Saturday, September 30, 2006

Whole bunch of random pics here..... Riley riding the 4 wheeler, quick pic of her reading at her desk this afternoon, and some shots of the house....

The scrapbook is moving right along. I have yet to scan and upload, but I need to do that tonight. I have this insane fear that my house will burn down, it makes me feel safer to have things located somewhere online. I feel like they are then "retrievable". Makes me happy. And someone warped, I know.

We had a rather uneventful day today. Took the bean in the wagon to the post office. She had a ball! Loved the wagon ride! Other than that we really have not left the house! Suits me just fine, although I wish I would have made more of an effort to enjoy the pretty day!!

Just for you Dad

I spotted this quote on a message board today. I think it explains alot.

"spelling errors are included on purpose - any errors that are noticed show that people read what I have written."

Ahhhh. Sweet justice!! <3

Friday, September 29, 2006


I give up. ACOT is holding my order hostage. I am sure of it. Today they took two things out of my basket! Do they not know what they are doing to me? I want them to send my stuff. Now. I am getting verrrrrrrrrry impatient!

Had a little breakdown last night. Getting a little frustrated over some things, and it all came tumbling out. I am hoping for a calm, stress free weekend, where I can just relax.

I did, however, get my picture order from Rileys birthday party. Super cute. Hoping that I will be inspired to get her birthday album started. Better yet done. I will post progress, as progress is made......

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Why won't my scrapbook orders ship?? I am getting so disapointed! I ordered a bunch of stuff online this weekend (good thing Derrick doesnt read this) and its not here! I wanted it yesterday. Or the day that I ordered it! Anytime! Soon! Preferably when Derrick is not home!

So other than that, things are going well. I am feeling pretty good, physically. Still struggling emotionally, but its getting much better. I wont cry at the drop of a hat now, but I still dont want to talk about it in depth. Saturday was my real turning point. I sat down in Riley's rocking chair, sobbing. She came crawling up to me saying "ma-ma-ma" with those little arms outstretched. I just though to myself "you have got to pull it together for this little girl!" That thought has been keeping me in a better place, mentally.

So not much else. Working on cleaning the "pit", also known as my house. Its an absolute disaster! So far I have gotten through 2 loads of laundry, and picked up and vacumed Riley's room. I am hoping that since she has already crashed for the night, I will get more done! Wish me luck....

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Getting Better

I think that most everyone knows by now, that Derrick and I lost our little bean this week. I think that this is hands down the worst thing either of us has ever gone through. I am struggling with feelings of anger, disbelief, and sadness that I am not yet convinced will ever end. I feel lonely, and immensly empty. Yet, life will go on. I am so thankful that we have Riley, for she is a force driving us foward right now.

I dont think that this is something that we will ever forget, and I never want to. Derrick and I wanted this baby more than words can express. I find some comfort in the thought that God needed our angel, yet I feel upset, because damn-it, we wanted this angel too. I know inside that its nothing that either of us did, or did not do. We are not to blame. Chances are, something was wrong, and this one was not meant to be. Yet I feel this sense of responsibility. I was the one carrying this baby. I was the one that lost it. My body. Me. I know that its not logical to think this way, but I cant help it.

Sorry to make this such a sad post. Just wanted to get this out. Thanks.... me.

Blog Archive