Getting Better

I think that most everyone knows by now, that Derrick and I lost our little bean this week. I think that this is hands down the worst thing either of us has ever gone through. I am struggling with feelings of anger, disbelief, and sadness that I am not yet convinced will ever end. I feel lonely, and immensly empty. Yet, life will go on. I am so thankful that we have Riley, for she is a force driving us foward right now.

I dont think that this is something that we will ever forget, and I never want to. Derrick and I wanted this baby more than words can express. I find some comfort in the thought that God needed our angel, yet I feel upset, because damn-it, we wanted this angel too. I know inside that its nothing that either of us did, or did not do. We are not to blame. Chances are, something was wrong, and this one was not meant to be. Yet I feel this sense of responsibility. I was the one carrying this baby. I was the one that lost it. My body. Me. I know that its not logical to think this way, but I cant help it.

Sorry to make this such a sad post. Just wanted to get this out. Thanks.... me.